In the end we all become the people we'd promise we'd never be....
Just be happy. Just be happy. Just be happy. I swear I tell myself this about 23478578t times. Don’t get me wrong, I am a very very happy girl. I just feel like I’m the only one in this world sometimes..Am I the only one who is feeling like you’ve changed so much? I’m talking to a crowd but when I say you’ve I’m referring to myself. I used to be such a happy girl, always smile, always laugh.. Just overall…happy. I don’t know what happened to me. It’s like I spiraled downhill. I think this all happened when everyone was transitioning to someone else. Everyone hit high school and it’s like we all went out separate ways. Everyone joined their separate cliques, and got boyfriends and new best friends, and we all just well drifted. I remember 6-8 were the best years of my life. I had everyone and everything I needed by my side. I was so comfortable then. Nowadays I’m just waiting for something else to change.
Nothing feels real to me… I remember in middle school when we all promised we’d never get into bad stuff. We looked down on the highschoolers, even though they were older than us. We swore we’d never drink, never smoke weed, never smoke cigarettes. And now, everyones doing it. I miss the days when we could just go to the mall, but now fun means going to a party, rolling a blunt. We can all admit we’ve done these things one, or twice, or hell a billion times before. Are we proud of it? No. If anything we’re weirded out, because we promised ourself we’d remain the sweet innocent babies like we were in middle school. We do that stuff because, well it’s fun. I mean who doesn’t want to not feel their legs? and laugh for no reason. Point is, everyones growing up. Everyone has their own interests, their own ways to live. It’s nature for us to try these things, but who’d know we’d be doing it every chance we get? I’m guilty of it..
As soon as you know it, everyone will be graduating, going off to college. Starting a new life, the years have surely gone by. I feel like I’m losing myself. I feel like everyone is slowly but surely turning into the person they’ve always wanted to be and I’m just well here. I’ve lost all my goals, all my interests, I’m just ready to graduate. I hate school and if I didn’t want to go anywhere in life I would have been dropped out. It’s frustrating how everyone has their life planned, they have their goals laid out. But I feel like every single goal I’ve laid out for myself has just slowly faded. I feel like every wish Ive ever made, has never, never came true.
I’ve lost friends, and gained tons of friends. I’ve drifted from family, because I’m scared to get so close so then we just break apart. I love my dad, but he’ll never know how I truly feel because I’m a complete bitch to him every chance I get. Me and my mom don’t have that close of an relationship because I’m scared to open up to her. I’ve pushed my grandma away, the only person who has really really tried to help me. That’s my problem. I’m a pusher. I push people away who love me. I hurt the ones I care for the most, and I take the ones in who don’t give a fuck. As much as I want to change, I just know that it’s easier said then done. I’m going to just get my shit together then hopefully everything else will fall into its place.
It’s alright, just wait and see your string of lights is still bright to me. Who you are is not what you’ve been, you’re still an innocent. It’s okay, life is a tough crowd. Thirty two and still growing up now. Who you are is not what you did…. you’re still an innocent.
18402.) somedays i just want to crack, break down and cry. but i cant, and i wont because everyone expects me to be happy all the time. even though im always smiling, im not happy. im 'tied together with a smile' i just wish someday someone would ask me "are you okay?" and tell me to tell the truth. when they do that; they will save me
18423.) You think you two are going to last? Hahahaha, we'll see. You don't know what love is, due to the fact that you're not capable of comprehending what love actually is. What it means to someone, what it could mean to you. Seriously? GROW THE FUCK UP.
Honestly, you piss me off to the max. I’m not your friend, for a reason. I deleted you off of facebook, for a reason. So why. the. hell. are you STILL concerned about me? Like really? Why would you creep on my profile, then add my enemy. You are legit a five stage creeper, like get a life. I haven’t been concerned about you AT ALL these past few days, so why the hell are you still riding my dick? Move on, with your goddamn life. I want nothing to do with you. And I mean that this time. I’ve reached my boiling point with you, so take your little boyfriend, and your little life and your little shit talking somewhere else. Stop adding my enemies, what are you gonna do be best friiii3nndss f0rev3rrrr(sarcasm) with someone who lives in Gwinnett? Like hop the hell off you pathetic, pathetic little girl. I don’t care about you anymore, keep my name out your goddamn mouth, and when your boyfriend breaks up with you…AGAIN.. for another girl AGAIN, because you’re boring as fuck and you always will be.. You’ll just be proving me right, AGAIN. buhhhhhbye.
Last time I checked I can say whatever the fuck I want to say bro. You understand bro? Hope we still cool bro. Oh wait I don’t give a fuck bro, cause I don’t care how you feel about me bro. Bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro BRO. Hop the fuck off me little girl. Got that bro?
Losing people left and right but I don't give a fuck about anyone anymore. All I wanna do is get my work done, party and live my life to the fullest, before it's too late. Fuck EVERYONE. I'm not worrying about anyone anymore, putting myself before others.
You frustrate me. I feel like you’re the problem in our friendship. Things were perfectly fine. I wish I didn’t get involved with you in the first place. I don’t hate you. I don’t not like you. I hate the shit that you cause, and the thing is… You’re not even that fucking special. You need to get your shit together, for real. I really think you’re head is fucked up. I hate how every time when something is wrong with one of us, you go straight for the other. We aren’t a fucking ping pong ball. Shit doesn’t go like that, and we’re not going to be here forever. You’ll soon be a distance memory, I won’t even remember your name. Treat your girl right bro. Like seriously, because soon you won’t have EITHER of us, and how are you going to feel then? You’re just going to be alone. You are so big headed and cocky. How would you feel if your ex girlfriend had to convince your current girlfriend to be with you? Ha. if you knew that, that would be HILARIOUS. When you’re own girlfriend had to be begged to go out with you, there’s a fucking problem. You need a reality check, because you seriously think you’re some hot shit. You’re just a boy, there’s plenty more where you came from. Ones that are more mature, and know what the hell they want. Don’t get me wrong, you can be a really good guy…. When you want to be. I’m not trying to bash you or anything, I’m just frustrated with you. Just treat your girl right bro because at the end of the day me and her will always be friends. Even if we stop talking for a while, I’ll always have her back and I want the best for her. I wish you two the best, I really do. All I need to do is get you out of my fucking head.
Channelle, I’m sorry that you took what I said the wrong way. Did I say I didn’t want to be your friend for good, all I said is I didn’t want to be your friend until I got my thoughts and emotions together but since you reacted the way you did. Then well I guess that’s it. Do you not see the fucking problem in our friendship, PLEASE tell me if we fought before this kid came along? No I can tell you. We didn’t. Fuck all the bullshit, yeah I said it was okay. That’s not my problem. You and him. My problem is with you. Always jumping so fucking quick to conclusions, like slow your fucking role. i’m done with this game, I’m done with that boy. That’s all fucking you. He played us both, AT THE same time. Goes back and forth with us when something goes wrong. And you say IIII need to get my shit together? yeah. I said it was cool if yall go out, cause it is. It didn’t phase me at the moment, but the one minute I tell you how I feel you say I’m creating “drama” NO. I’m just trying to communicate with you in a rational way. I told you how I feel, because I thought we were close enough to share things And I thought you would understand. Not be such a bitch about it. You see where the problem lies, and you know it’s never going to be the same until neither of us are not together with him. Am I telling you to breakup with him? Nah. If he makes you happy then shit, stay with him. I’ma just do me.. And you do you. Simple as that, and when you stop being such a dramatic fucking bitch, then maybe we can talk but until then well, I guess we’re done here. Oh and nobodys fucking mad that you two are together, so you can calm all that bullshit down. Like seriously, get the fuck off your high horse. I’m letting shit go, and moving on. This shit is getting REAL old, REAL fast. Am i trying to make you feel bad? not. at. all. I truly help he’s good to you And when you fucking come to your senses, MAYBE I’ll still be around. You know me, I don’t care for too long. so YOU get YOUR shit together. goodbye.
You see that girl staring into space? If you were to ask what’s wrong, she would say nothing, when in reality it's everything. She’s sitting there wondering what she did wrong, what she could have done differently, how she would have changed it if she had the chance. And if she had the chance to go back and do it over again, would it end with the same result? That’s why she stares.
I honestly don’t know how to feel. I can sadly admit I am a little regretful sending you that message, and I do miss talking to you every night. And as much as I hate to admit it, I do miss you a lot. I’ve been basically thinking about you for the past couple of days, ALL day. It’s actually pretty disgusting, because you have NO idea how much I don’t like you, but you have no idea how much I fucking miss you either. It’ll only get worst on the 25th, but I can’t wait til that’s over with.. because then I can finally move on and forget about you. I don’t necessarily care that you go out with her, if anything It’s my fault.. So I have no reason to be feeling like the way I do but I know a little later It’ll bother me………a lot. I said I wish you the best, but I was hoping the best would be me. But I actually hope you and her do workout, hopefully you learn to treat a girl right. You honestly in my opinion don’t need to be in a relationship, because you obviously don’t know what the fuck you want, because guess what?????? I won’t be here anymore. And if you and her go wrong, who are you going bounce back to? Not me. All you do is bounce back and forth, and I hate it ESPECIALLY because we’re close friends. Don’t hurt my friend, or seriously I’ll cut off your balls. Give me about five more days and I guarantee you will be the last thing on my mind.
I'm using other people simply to try and shield the fact that this hasn't gotten easier and I still think about it everyday, and at the end of the day I still can't truthfully say "I don't care." it's just easier to act like I don't than to talk about how I do.
you eat, you're fat. you don't eat, you're a freak. you drink, you're an alcoholic. you don't drink, you're a pussy. you read, you're a nerd. you don't read, you're stupid. you tell a secret, you're an attention seeker. you don't tell a secret, you're still attention seeking. you let someone in, you're easy. you don't let someone in, you're too uptight. you smoke, you think you're cool. you don't smoke, you're a loser. you've had sex, you're a slut. you haven't had sex, you're a frigid little bitch. you wear make up, you're a slag. you don't wear make up, you're ugly. you can't please anyone. ever.